“Come-enter” my life.

A blog is a blog is a blog. But a blog is not a blog without its comments. Of course, for that we have our faithful commenters to thank.

Part 1 – Same species, different breeds

It’s interesting to note how commenters work. Most often, they are fellow bloggers who are just looking to pick up a commenter. In this scenario, A will leave a couple of comments on B’s blog hoping that B will come back and visit A’s blog. If A is patient, he will do this for a while, and eventually it so happens that B does visit A’s blog. Because B knows that if he doesn’t visit A’s blog soon enough, A will lose interest and ditch B’s blog. That means one less commenter on B’s blog. So B will make a couple of appearances on A’s blog. And if they’re like-minded people, they will make sure that they largely contribute to each other’s number-of-comments counter. If A is an impatient person, A will leave comments like “Please visit my blog http://ibegyoutovisitmyblog.blogspot.com/”. Or if A wants to be a little more subtle, he’ll sign off his comments with “http://ibegyoutovisitmyblog.blogspot.com/” In some cases, A and B go on to become good friends. They’ll stand up for each other, compliment each other, tease each other and even cry for each other. All in all, a fairytale friendship and a promise to comment on each other’s blogs forever.

Then, there are those commenters who don’t expect anything in return. All they have been waiting for is to find that one blogger to idolize. Let’s say A’s that person. These commenters will praise, compliment and go as far as worshipping A to no bounds. In return, all they wish for is an acknowledgement of their presence from A. If at all A responds to their comments, the commenters either dance a jig or faint from being overwhelmed by the fact that A wasted precious seconds of her time to talk to them. A is then exalted to the status of being the kindest, sweetest, noblest, cutest, everything-nice-est person on this planet. I have a feeling that these commenters are the same people who wake up every morning feeling delighted that they share this planet with the likes of Tom Cruise and Britney Spears.

Some commenters truly believe that what they have to say can make a difference to someone’s life. These are the advisers – the people without the psychology degree but who still believe that they understand the human psyche of complete strangers they meet through a blog. They hope that their valuable comments will turn someone over a new leaf. Some even try the whole reverse-psychology thing. Fortunately or unfortunately, sometimes they succeed in their attempts.

The bloghopper commenters are the best. They find a blog by chance, leave a comment, and never come back. That’s the best part.

Commenters hang out in large numbers at feel-good saccharine-sweet blogs. (I sound like a freaking documentary about gazelles on the Discovery Channel!) Blogs where they will be pampered and be made to believe that the blogger is writing just for them. And the bloggers love the commenters too. It’s a measure of the popularity of their blog, after all. So they dare say or do something to offend them. But all is not hunky-dory. Because there are always the lions. (I’m beginning to like this Discovery Channel theme.)

Part 2 – Oh anonymous, who art thou?

I love the anonymous commenters. Only because they bring reality to the otherwise fantasy-blogs. And well, also because they’re vile like me and hate all things nice.

Anonymous commenters usually exist only to make the lives of bloggers hell. They leave mean, hurtful comments on blogs. As much as I enjoy them, I think it’s a rather sad, pathetic existence they live. Anonymity gives even the wussiest of wusses the guts to leave a nasty comment. And I bet that most of them are actual bloggers, probably even known to the blogger they’re leaving their comments for. But for whatever it’s worth, they succeed at what they set out to achieve. If their goal is to bother\hurt\irk the blogger in any way or form, they’re doing a pretty darn good job. Anyway, they make my bloghopping experience fun.

What’s even more hilarious is to watch these bloggers pretend like it doesn’t bother them. Some of the bloggers retaliate in the most natural way and ask the anonymous commenters to go to hell. That’s okay. Usually, the blogger’s entire commenter-batallion will join in the battle. Sometimes, they scare the shit out of the anonymous commenter; other times, the commenter gets bored and leaves. Some bloggers however will dedicate entire posts as to why anonymous commenters don’t bother them. Talk about contradiction at its best! If they’re not bothering you, why respond? Some bloggers complain that they don’t really mind criticism, but that they’d rather that it be constructive. For example,
Blogger A says to anonymous commenter: There’s no point in telling me that you hate me, or that my blog sucks. Tell me what I can do to make it better.
I say to Blogger A: Why do you complain that criticism must be constructive? Have you ever complained about compliments not being constructive? Why is it okay when your commenters tell you that they love you and that your blog rocks? I don’t hear anyone complain then. But the minute someone doesn’t like what you write, you bother about technicalities?

It’s important to have your share of anonymous commenters. A couple of mean comments should help bring people back down from cloud number 9. And does it really matter what they think or say? Everybody doesn't have to like you all the time. And they won't. Now who would know that better than me!

You probably think that I’m jealous because my blog is not being plagued by comments. You’re right. Maybe I should just blogroll about 20 odd people and go leave them all a comment. You probably also insulted my sensibility by believing that the title of my post was a plea and not a pun. Please, come enter my life. I’ll sure have a blast showing you the door.